Tuesday, December 23, 2008

Christmastime For Bubs

A few weeks ago, one of the people I work with brought in a Hammacher Schlemmer catalog. They had amazing, mostly useless things. I personally wanted the wine glass that held an entire bottle. Since it's that giving season, I thought some of you might go in with me for something for our favorite blogging gun nut enthusiast, Bubs: the Marshmallow Shooting Gun. But I do need some help; there are no fewer than three models to choose from. I've included the description with each.

The 40' Marshmallow Bazooka
This battery powered bazooka launches edible, full-size marshmallows up to 40', forever changing the rules of engagement for marshmallow gun confrontations. The integrated microprocessor automatically regulates air pressure, allowing you to launch up to five marshmallows in 60 seconds without manual pumping. Simply load a marshmallow into the chamber, wait for the LED on the reticle to illuminate, and pull the trigger to bombard your mark with confections. Requires two 9-volt batteries. Ages 6 and up. 7" H x 3 1/2" W x 25" L. (2 lbs.)

The 40 Foot Marshmallow Blaster
Only available from Hammacher Schlemmer, this pump-action, pneumatic gun shoots sweet, edible marshmallows (or a handful of miniature marshmallows) up to 40'. The easy-to-refill bolt action design ensures fast, nonstop action. Front grip is detachable for easy cleanup. Includes carrying case. Ages 12 and up. The manufacturer has confirmed that this item meets all U.S. Federal toy safety standards, including safety standards for lead. 6" H x 2 1/2" W x 15" L. (2 lbs.)

The Marshmallow Shooter
This clever pump-action device shoots sweet, edible miniature marshmallows over 30', and, unlike other marshmallow blasters, it comes with an LED sight that projects a safe beam of red light to help locate a target for accuracy. The easy-to-refill magazine holds 20 marshmallows (or foam pellets, not included) for fast, nonstop action. Barrel and magazine are top rack dishwasher safe, and the back of the box includes a target for practice. Ages 6 and up. 4" H x 17 3/4" L. (1 3/4 lbs.)

I can't decide which one we should get him; each device has it's own merits. You can't beat the 40-foot Marshmallow Bazooka for raw confectionary stopping power. Yet, sometimes you need the precision-- and the handy LED "laser sight" of the Marshmallow Shooter. Yet, there may be a situation where you need to throw up a wall of marshmallows, in which case the 40 Foot Marshmallow Blaster would be indispensible. Help me out, bloggers-- Christmas approaches!


SkylersDad said...

I vote The 40 Foot Marshmallow Blaster. As Bubs is a gun person, he will surly tell you simple is better in a true firefight. You don't need fancy electronics breaking down on you at the wrong moment, and the extra 10 foot over the Marshmallow Shooter could mean the difference between life and death.

Well, not life or death, but making it home to your loved ones unscathed by gooeyness...

Bubs said...

My solution would be to stockpile two of each. And a metric fuck-tonne of marshmallows. I say that as a prepared American.

Johnny Yen said...

Good point-- superior distance is always an advantage in a marshmallow firefight!

You better stock up-- the conservatives have been warning me that Obama is going to put limits on marshmallow firearms...

Dale said...

It's the best catalogue on the planet isn't it? I love it and only occasionally fear it.

"The Dude" said...

The marshmallow shooter. It is like a true tommy gun.

But the 40 foot blaster is cool because it could be used like a shotgun with little marshmallows.

The bazooka looks ok. It depends on how many marshmallows you could fit in one shot.

I still say the Tommy gun.

Grant Miller said...

You'll shoot your eye out!