Tuesday, March 27, 2007

Whiz Tales, #3


Lucky you-- not one student showed up for my sixth period Physical Chemistry class. It's good to know that as much as they've failed in the school system, they still have the good sense to cut class on a gorgeous Chicago afternoon.

Okay, Warning: this is not a tale for the faint of heart. Don't worry-- nobody gets their eye put out-- but it's not for the queasy.

When I was a young guy, before I was a teacher, I worked for a while as a construction worker for a guy I knew through college friends. His name was Dan-- not to be confused, though, for the Dan in story #1. We'll call him by his old college nickname, Psycho.

Psycho owned a small construction business. He spent a lot of his day frantically running from place to place in his little Toyota van, from jobsite to jobsite, supervising, working and doing estimates for new business. I don't recall him eating much-- he seemed to be fueled by Marlboro Light cigarettes, and 7-11 Big Gulps of Mountain Dew.

Psycho was a really nice guy. He was also disorganized. Maybe the most disorganized person I've ever met, at least until I taught high school students. Since he was constantly rushing from late appointment to another, smoking his Marlboro Lights and chugging down Big Gulps, his Toyota Van usually looked as if a reconstruction project were going on in a 19 year old guy's dorm room.

One day, my friend Garrett and I were running with him to a job site, and for some reason Dan felt compelled to tell us the story of how he'd been stuck in traffic with a full bladder, and had used an empty Big Gulp cup to relieve himself.

I think you all see what is coming.

A few days after, he told us, he was racing to a job, in his usual haste, and of course grabbed the wrong cup and took a big chug, giving a new meaning to "big gulp."

From then on, whenever we were running into 7-11 to get something, we'd ask Psycho if he wanted anything-- maybe his special brand of cola.

4 comments:

Natalie said...

Stories like this are what made me nominate you for the "thinking blogger" award. As I am an idiot and can't put links in the comment section, you can see what I wrote about your blog on my post for today. I am thinking about how gross a swig of pee is and laughing a lot. I don't blame your students either. It was an awesome day. Only two peopl showed up for my customer service class.

cheer34 said...

Yuck! High school friends peed in a beer can, put it the freezer to get the peed beer cold and when another buddy came over they gave him the can with pee it. They thought it was hysterical. But not when the friend threw up all over them.

GETkristiLOVE said...

On big mountaineering trips, I take my pee bottle. It's a Nalgene bottle that I don't use for anything else, but seeings how my water bottles are also the same size and shape of Nalgenes, I made sure I wrapped my pee bottle with enough duct tape that even in the middle of the night, I can tell the difference. No big gulps for me!

Johnny Yen said...

Natalie-
Thank you! Today's post is about that.

Today was rainy and cold, and a lot of them gave themselves a day off again.

Cheer 34-
Your friends definitely got what they deserved, didn't they?

Kristi-
I'm glad you don't use that bottle for anything else...