Got up at 5:30 this morning to catch my 8:15 flight to Seattle to visit co- best friend Andreas (he was involved in the infamous "eye put out" incident nearly ten years ago). I got to O'Hare to find out that the flight was delayed an hour and a half.Fortunately, I'd grabbed my New York Times on the way out the door, and had brought along "Collapse," Jared Diamond's follow-up to his masterpiece "Guns, Germs and Steel."
The plane got going, and the guy sitting next to me ordered a Tangeray and tonic. Yikes. I had a diet pop.
Once I got to Seattle, I found the correct washroom and went to the luggage caraosel. I noticed a bunch of guys with bad complexions and full-length black leather coats. I wondered if somehow I'd missed some big fashion trend. Then I overheard one of the guys talking about being in town for some kind of science fiction convention. I realized that I was surrounded by dorks wearing bluetooth earpieces. Resistance is futile.
When Deadspot was in town last weekend, we discussed Andreas, who Deadspot actually grew up with. We had both realized long ago that Andreas is a "weird magnet--" whenever you're around him weird things happen. A crazed kamikazee bicyclist crashes through a bank window, ranting against "parlimentary democracy." A drunken Russian approaches you on the streets of San Francisco, complaining that every girl he meets is a lesbian and then extracts a promise that you won't have sex with Andreas. That's just the kind of thing that happens when Andreas is around.
On the way back from the airport, we grabbed a bite to eat at a Mongolian restaurant, and I bought some groceries at Trader Joes. We swung by the liquor store, where Andreas bought a bottle of Jim Beam.
Someone once said, about the relationship between Mr. Beam and I, that it was like the holy wafer actually becoming the body of Christ in the church, except in reverse: when the Jim Beam touches my lips, I actually become Satan.I've got a wife and kids and responsibilities, so I will try to behave. Really.
Resistance is futile.
9 comments:
Have fun!
As long as you keep hitting the correct bathrooms and avoid drinking gin at 5:30am, you should be alright. Bring me back something nice.
Sure wish I had a vacation--You be me for awhile, and I'll be you.
I don't even want to know Mr. Beam.
Have fun JY!
I am always tempted to live up my rockstar traveling fantasy when I'm on a plane and booze it up a little, but still have the good sense to not look like a raging alcoholic, because we too usually fly out in the early morning.
So instead of the Catholic faith's Transubstantian, you experience what could only be called TransubstantiaSatan?
Very nice, I hope they name the condition after you.
Mine's just ended. Have a good one!
There is no reason for an alcoholic drink that early in the morning unless you have finals. Have a great time.
Enjoy yourself and visit Pike PLace Market. One of the best places on earth, and watch out for the flying fish. They can put an eye out.
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