Sunday, June 10, 2007

Surveying His Work


Kim and I were talking to my upstairs neighbor/landlord this morning, telling her what the smashing glass sound was at 4:30 a.m. last night. Seems that one of the cats, Mingus (aka "Fatboy") decided to get onto the kitchen counter, and in jumping down, took a glass that was sitting on the counter with him.



When I had heard the noise, I'd leapt out of bed-- I thought that someone was breaking in through the back door. Kim later said she couldn't believe how fast I was awake and out of our bedroom. All I could think of was my kids-- I wanted to get to the door before whoever it was actually got in the door, so I could beat their asses to a pulp on the back porch and back yard while Kim called the cops. Whatever was going to go on, I wanted it to happen outside of my home, away from my wife and kids.

When I got to the kitchen door, though, I saw a black and white flash out of the corner of my eye, barrelling out of the room. As I got to the door, I noticed that the entire kitchen floor was covered in broken glass, but that the back door was intact. My bare feet had somehow avoided the shattered pint glass, which I'd, um, "liberated' from the Gingerman Tavern years ago.

As I swept up the glass and told Kim that everything was all right (amazed that my kids hadn't been woken by the noise, which was loud enough to wake up my upstairs neighbors), my heart was still racing a million miles an hour; I suddenly realized what I'd done, and thought of what I would have done if I'd actually have been met by the intruders I'd expected. I hadn't given it any thought-- I just reacted.

What I would have done is kicked their punk asses into tomorrow. My adrenline was cranked up pretty good at that moment. Heh.

Oh well-- it'll give me the excuse to get out and obtain another piece of glassware...

18 comments:

Barbara Bruederlin said...

Knowing cats, Mingus likely blamed the broken glass on you.

lulu said...

I liberated a dozen pint glasses and a pitcher from the Abbey Pub as a gift for TenS's 25th birthday,but I'm kind of out of practice now.

You mean you don't sleep with a baseball bat by your bed? I do.

The Elk said...

Instead of BBQ Bunnies, you could come up with a BBQ kitty recipe....
Put the Gas Grill to good use...
tastes just like Chicken

Beth said...

How cool are you! Isn't it fascinating to experience your instincts, to see just what you'll do to protect your beloveds? The Yens are one lucky clan.

Mingus is quite the cutie, BTW.

Skylers Dad said...

I have a large ceremonial sword that I keep on hand for those special nighttime encounters.

I figure when the police find my body riddled with bullets from the perps gun, they are going to have a great story about the dude who was trying to go Ninja on the bad guys!

Skylers Dad said...

I was going to comment about how I would call upon my Military training, but then I remembered I pushed buttons to launch weapons...

Probably wont work now days.

Bubs said...

Johnny, you've learned a valuable lesson: chicks are really impressed when you leap out of bed in the middle of the night to fight intruders. You get extra points if you're naked at the time.

Mob said...

Stories like this make me glad the Yorkie can't get onto counter tops.

Mob said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
kim said...

Yes, it was very impressive that he got up so fast.

But then I thought it was stupid that we didn't have the phone in the bedroom in case someone did break in.

And no, Mr. Yen, we will not be obtaining anymore random glassware. Don't even think about it.

BroInLawGeo said...

Brian: Buy a bird. Brother-in-Law, Geo.

Andi said...

I once had a druggie/a$$hole/cop's grandsom who lived across the street from me. He liked to come over all buzzed out the wazoo and offer me lapdances. As you can imagine, as a single woman, it made me a bit uncomfortable. After the first incident which scared the entire bejeeeeeezus outta me, he came back AGAIN...pounding on my door, stalking around my house, etc. I knew that night that if it came right down to my safety, I would pummel the f*cker to death with a flashlight. It's an oddly liberating realization.

Johnny Yen said...

Barbara-
I don't think he has the candlepower to do that. The other cat is smart enough to do that, but she's also smart enough not to knock stuff off counters.

Lulu-
It's baseball season-- there are bats nearby, definitely.

Elk-
Kitty-- it's not just for breakfast anymore...

Beth-
Yeah, I'm a little defensive about my kids.

I wasn't thinking of Mingus very highly at that moment...

Skyler's Dad-
I think that you'd probably have the upper hand-- they wouldn't be expecting that.

Remember, if they outlaw surface to surface guided missles, only outlaws will have...

Bubs-
Yes they are-- but with two kids in the house, clothing was not optional.

It probably would have been a good idea to slip some shoes on before I ran out there, too.

Mob-
I guess it's a trade-off-- I've read frequently of your "yorkies barking at anyone in the house stories"-- at least the cats are quiet.

Kim-
Yeah, we should probably get in that habit.

George-
That was one of the quid pro quos of marrying her-- no birds. It was even in her personals ad. Seriously.

Johnny Yen said...

Andi-
A big flashlight is good, plus some pepper spray.

cheer34 said...

This is why I am glad my son still lives at home. When Mark travels the alarm mysteriously goes haywire and I can depend on our son Greg to be up with shotgun in hand to defend his mommy and older sister. Plus the 5 dogs will help trip up an intruder. so far we have been lucky and the alarms are malfunctions and not intruders.

'Bubbles' said...

I thought I left a comment yesterday... I guess someone must have interrupted me mid-comment! (again)

Anyway, my comment... was that it is amazing what our instinctive / primal responses make us capable of! Reminded me of a story about an old lady (my mom) and a snake. good post material, i think... thanks!!

I'm glad you didn't cut up your feet! Crazy how you also feel no pain when you are in the fight and not flight state! Later...ouch.

Anonymous said...

Thanks Brian for saving Your Family in the middle of the night. I SAW YOUR BIG FEET BEFORE YOU MARRIED kIM AND i KNEW THEY WERE AN ASSETT. lOVE Ellie

Anonymous said...

Listen, you guys can believe all that stuff about him bounding out of bed to protect the wife and kiddies, if you want, but I happen to know they keep their wine stash and Brian's guitar just inside that back door. Still it was nice that he assured his wife that everything was OK. And then he did sweep up the glass, too. I don't care what they say ... Brian is OK in my book. Popster