Monday, July 16, 2007

It's the Chicago Way...


Recently, blogger Kristi was posting about somthing that I, and assuredly many other bloggers have spent sleepless nights over: the increasingly brutal Presidential campaign pitting Dr. Von Monkerstein and Dr. Zaius against one another.

Both are excellent candidates, offering intellect, charisma and wit. Both have excellent backers-- Monkerstein, for instance, is aided by the considerable talents of Samurai Frog, while Zaius has the backing of the lovely and talented Germaine Gregarious. Given such excellent candidates, how does one choose?

Splotchy, in weighing the candidates, pointed out that Monkerstein had put him on his blogroll, while Zaius had neglected this. To his credit, Zaius has remedied this omission, demonstrating a sensitivity to the desires of his constituency. In this regard, both candidates did well in securing a possible Yen endorsement for their candidacies-- I was added to both their blogrolls long ago.

Monkerstein got off to an excellent start in securing my endorsement when he named me as a cabinet member should he be elected. I am open to a counter-offer by Zaius. I might add that since I am soon leaving the education field, a position other than Minister of Education might be appropriate. I might be more useful in a regulatory capacity-- perhaps in inspecting vineyards and wineries.

Bubs recently made a quip to me about old-style Chicago elections-- how in the old days, party hacks could secure a vote for their candidate with a sawbuck or a bottle of cheap wine. Since I am both a Political Scientist by training (Bachelors and Masters Degrees in Political Science) and a Chicagoan, I'd like to keep with this important Chicago tradition. My endorsement, therefore, can be secured with a bottle of wine.

However, being that I am man of wealth and taste-- well, at least taste-- there are certain requirements. "Bum wine," will not suffice. I might suggest a bottle of Ravenswood Zinfandel, preferably old vine. I know this might seem a steep price to pay, but consider the advantages of having the good looks, charm, old-school elegance, cunning evil genius, and above all, overtowering modesty of Johnny Yen on your side.

13 comments:

Barbara Bruederlin said...

I'm all for a return to old style Chicago politics. At least there was no pretending to be in it for the sake of the children.

You would make a boffo cabinet minister, regardless of whose campaign you choose to back. Let the bidding begin!

Skylers Dad said...

To hell with that old stuff Johnny, tell them you want some fresh wine!

MacGuffin said...

Just be sure to steer clear of the Merlot, you're trying to bribe em not insult em.

kim said...

Zinfandel is good Mr. Yen,
But I don't think it qualifies as "elegant" ever since those pink Zinfandel commercials...that ruined it for everyone.

Bubs said...

I think I'm going to start jockeying for a cabinet position, and my pitch will be:

"I can be bought more cheaply than Johnny Yen."

Dr. Monkey Von Monkerstein said...

Since I offered you a cabinet position first I will wait and see if Zaius tries to buy you off wine the grape squeezings.

GETkristiLOVE said...

I love the old vine RavenZin, but I think your payment is too modest. When a monkey rules the free world, we all need to be good and drunk before the poo starts flingin'.

Make it ten bottles.

deadspot said...

I thought that you said
"a Cabernet position."
Oops. My bad, Johnny.

Johnny Yen said...

Barbara-
Thank you for your endorsement!

And as we say in Chicago, "Vote early and often."

Skyler's Dad-
Hey, it may be Thunderbird, but it was a good week's vintage...

Macguffin-
"And I ain't drinkin' no f*ckin' Merlot!" I love "Sideways." It was one of the first dates that Kim and I went on.

She admitted to me after we'd been dating for a while, that she might have a problem if I'd preferred white wine-- we both love reds.

Kim-
Ick! White Zinfandel is not a wine-- it's a candy. Only red Zinfandel for this guy.

Bubs-
I like it! I'll order the bumper stickers and t-shirts today.

Monkerstein-
Your being the first to offer has been duly noted. So far, Zaius has not come up with a counter-offer.

Kristi-
I guess that would give new meaning to the phrase "getting shit-faced," wouldn't it?

Deadspot-
My position on Cabernet is positive-- I've rarely met a red wine I didn't like.

Dr. Zaius said...

Sir, I would like to thank you for the very nice things that you have said on the behalf of Germaine Gregarious and myself. I offer my humblest gratitude for your remarks.

I apologize sincerely for my blogroll gaffe, and intend to make a renewed effort to avoid such mistakes on my part in the future.

If I may, I would like to point out that Ms. Gregarious is in fact a candidate herself, and we merely work from the same broad platform. I am not her running mate, nor is she mine. We have not decided who shall be "top dog" in our administration, any more than Hilary Clinton and Barak Obama have in theirs. It is just too early in the game to concern ourselves with such trivialities.

It is actually far too early in the campaign to assign vice presidents or cabinet members. No other candidate has done so, Republican or Democrat. To do so now would be done merely for the purposes of gladhanding and improperly greasing the wheels of the election.

Forgive me if I have not offered you a cabinet post, as I most certainly would in the future, but to do so at this time would be both improper and inopportune.

As to the fact that Dr. Monkerstein has handed out all of his cabinet posts and two (!) vice presidencies so early in the game, I can only say that such a measure is a matter of poor judgement, and that I will be performing my duties as a candidate on the same schedule as the mainstream of the Democratic party, and not according to the whim of an amphibian campaign manager.

Thank you for your indulgence, and good day.

The Elk said...

JY for Tent Weasel Minister......

Evil Spock said...

Evil Spock supports the Monkerstein regime. But whoever wins are just mere placeholders for the Evil Spock 2012 reign.

MacGuffin said...

Sideways is one my fav films fo sho. I'm gratified you picked up on that. Plus, it was serious advise.