Wednesday, July 25, 2007

Mysterious Canoes Appearing In Chicago Backyards

About a week ago, a canoe mysteriously appeared without explanation in our backyard.



A few days later, Kim ran into our landlord, and asked him about it. Yes, he told her. He'd purchased a used canoe because he'd always wanted a canoe. That'll be great-- he can canoe down the fetid, sewage-, industrial waste- and rat-infested waters of the Chicago River north branch that runs near our home.

At least it wasn't a mysterious crop circle turning up...



...although mysterious traffic circles have been turning up all over Chicago without explanation...

19 comments:

Splotchy said...

Hmm, those traffic circles might be signs of an alien civilization, though I doubt it is an intelligent one.

Andi said...

Hmmm, a mysteriously appearing canoe. I haven't heard that one before. Like you say, better than crop cirlces....or I would say better than flaming sacks of doggy doo.

Skylers Dad said...

But do the mysterious traffic circles have rocks with cars stuck on them?

Beth said...

Darn; mystery solved. I was going to suggest that it washed over from the Thames.

'Bubbles' said...

Those traffic circles seem to be all the rage, huh?

'Bubbles' said...

Oh, maybe your landlord was doing too much thinking when cleaning up the basement! Perhaps a little panic set in regarding the next flood!

Bubs said...

Chicago cops and firefighters I've talked to all hate those concrete median/planters that have sprung up on lots of streets. They make moving an emergency vehicle through traffic a nightmare.

J.D. said...

Oh my god. It's the canoe faeries! Most of them live in Poland and Southern Algeria, but I guess they could end up in Chicago. They do go on pretty wild benders.

Grant Miller said...

You forgot to mention the used condoms that are common in the Chicago River.

Bubs said...

By the way, I wish someone would come and leave a canoe in my back yard.

JR's Thumbprints said...

As long as the Dave Matthew's Tour Bus isn't traveling across a bridge, canoeing should be rather safe.

MacGuffin said...

So, your landlord stores his rather large and cubersome purchases in your backyard? What the hell!?! Good thing it wasn't an actual boat..

GETkristiLOVE said...

I gotta start carrying my camera around like you.

Erik Donald France said...

Let's see -- power failures in San Fran and Barcelona and NYC; gas explosions in Dallas; flooding in England. End times? Yahoo!

This canoe reminds me of one thing: Tricky Dicky's resignation. I was stuck in Virginia Beach/Norfolk on that very day -- my father was on a business trip and I was with him, but at a friend's house -- canoes kept coming down the flooded streets as Nixon resigned, and Ford was sworn in. I recall it like yesterday, it was so surreal.

lulu said...

I've canoed the North Branch a bunch of times. I always thought it was really pretty and serene, except for the time we had to portage and I got stuck thigh high in the muck.

Mob said...

Wait'll his new RV shows up in the back yard in a few weeks to keep the canoe company.

So they're installing roundabouts in Chicago now? I thought people left Europe to avoid having to learn how to deal with those things...

Danny Tagalog said...

I hate roundaboutsAt leats tyou don't have needless four step escalators in your subways....

Johnny Yen said...

Splotchy-
I'm not sure what's worse-- those or the speed bumps they're putting in a lot of streets and alleys. I appreciate that they're making it safer for my kids, but they're damned annoying.

Andi-
Funny you should mention the flaming dogshit treatment-- I recently considered giving it to a neighborhood nuisance.

Skyler's Dad-
Not yet, but give them time!

Beth-
We actually had a lot of flooding of our own in the area. Fortunately, our basement was dry when I checked it this morning.

Bubbles-
Yeah, I guess it's easier than building an ark. What I love is that they had a big hissy fit over me leaving a couple of boxes in the backyard for a few hours before I could sift through them for what was salvagable after the flood. That's okay-- it's not a big canoe-- fifteen feet or so.

Bubs-
I can totally see that. The planters in the middle of the roads also reduce vision on the roads, and have defintely been responsible for accidents. I wonder which one of Daley's cronies got the contracts to build them and which other got the contract to maintain them-- that's another annoyance-- trucks full of workers blocking a lane of traffic on a main thoroughfare so that they can plant, water, trim, etc.

J.D.
Hey, it's a world economy! I'm not surprised that the canoe fairies have been outsourced...

Grant-
Yech!

Bubs-
My original title was actually going to be "I Wonder If Bubs Had Anything To Do With This..." A canoe disappears from your yard, and days later a canoe appears in mine? Mighty suspicious...

JR-
I can say I've only seen Dave Matthews' tour bus over my backyard a couple of times, and it was only after a lot of tequila...

MacGuffin-
Yeah, I don't know if you can see up near the house, he's fastened it to a pipe with a bicycle cable. Given that someone cut a lock with cable cutters a couple of years ago and stole my mountain bike, I'm sure the cable will deter thieves.

Kristi-
To quote H.I. McDunnough in "Raising Arizona," "It's a crazy world-- somebody ought to sell tickets."

Erik-
Great story! I remember that night well too. My rabid Nixon-hating father was away at a school for his job, and my brothers and I were up watching some scary movie on tv when they cut in to announce it. We started cheering and whooping it up, to the point to where my mother came down to the family room to see what the ruckus was. My only regret was that my father wasn't there to share it with us.

My father has recently made the comment that the current administration makes the Nixon administration look great.

Lulu-
Will you forgive me for laughing out loud at that visual image? Yeah, I thought not...

Johnny Yen said...

Mob-
Wait 'til we put our Airstream back there without asking...

What's funny is that a lot of people don't know, because there are no instructions given, that to turn left, you have to go all the way around the circle. People cut to the left of the circle, causing problems.

Danny-
Sounds like some Tokyo politician had buddies who needed some business. Maybe he can talk to our mayor for pointers.